A year ago today, my best good buddy Choca died in my arms. Many of you were part of my community here at the time and remember it. It kicked off a year of loss: our dog, our unborn baby, my job. This is why I was convinced Sassy wouldn't make it to 2022. Choca was my hiking partner for many years, and because she never said anything, I came to enjoy silence rather than the adrenaline and distractions of my life off the mountains. I think my career in TV news eventually ended because of that - as the silence allowed me self-relfection, which brought self-awareness, and with it, awareness of the world around me. Choca's death was a violent one in the sense that natural death, I've heard, isn't always how movies depict it. This was the first time I'd ever been there for a last breath and for months after it, I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and had other unexplained health problems. This may seem an odd reaction, but as a child I accompanied my doctor parents to hospitals and witnessed sickness and dying at a very young age. Avoiding death, while trying to understand it, became a driving motivation for me. Perhaps it is, in part, why I went to seminary and eventually became a reporter. I sought distraction from my own mortality while also seeking to control it through knowledge. A losing combination. In the book he wrote about his wife's death, CS Lewis said, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid." That was my experience. And I had no choice but to sit through it. Then to confront it again and again throughout the rest of the year. But as I sat quietly, I realized something. I had believed that if I could unlock the secrets of death and finally come to peace with it- the ultimate question of existence that has eluded philosophers for centuries - I would finally come to know God. Instead, after last year, I now believe that I had gotten it backwards. Instead, it is coming to know God that brings one peace about death (and all other things for that matter). And thus begins a new journey, not of the head but of the heart. I'll end with another quote from a favorite Lewis book, the last lines of Til We Have Faces, “I ended my first book with the words 'no answer.' I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words. Long did I hate you, long did I fear you.” Blessings to all of you on your journey. Thank you for being a part of mine.
We buy a roll of hay every other week not so much because the cows eat it all but because King Peter likes a nice fluffy bed that doubles as a look-out station. Of course he and Tod end up urinating and defecating on the hay which makes it less than ideal for the cows. We are working on putting up yet more fencing so the boys don’t have access to the cow hay but for now Pete is living large.
We have several refrigerators and freezers (as do most farmers), and for a while, the goat milk and eggs were in the same one. Recently however, I have turned the temperature down several degrees so it is barely above freezing so as to rapidly chill the milk and keep it very cold in order to extend its shelf life. However, as maintaining our fridge temperature is not a perfect science, we have had several moments of discovering frozen food and liquids in the fridge - never the milk - but for instance, celery juice. Then we discovered a frozen egg. I have since separated the eggs into a new refrigerator so they are no longer with the milk. We had fun peeling the frozen egg and examining it! Our dog, Zinnia, was very happy to help taste test. There is no life like the farm dog life! I did do a search and learned that it is safe to eat an egg that has frozen after thawing it, though not recommended if the egg has cracked.
Everyone who has chickens knows the struggle toward maintaining enough egg cartons, always asking friends to save theirs and bring them by. I was just thinking how I’d need some more when I drove by unknown trash on the side of the road. It looked like it might be egg cartons so I pulled over and sure enough - yes! 🙌 It was worth all the stares I got. Has this happened to you? What is something you needed and fortuitously found?
