A year ago today, my best good buddy Choca died in my arms. Many of you were part of my community here at the time and remember it. It kicked off a year of loss: our dog, our unborn baby, my job. This is why I was convinced Sassy wouldn't make it to 2022. Choca was my hiking partner for many years, and because she never said anything, I came to enjoy silence rather than the adrenaline and distractions of my life off the mountains. I think my career in TV news eventually ended because of that - as the silence allowed me self-relfection, which brought self-awareness, and with it, awareness of the world around me. Choca's death was a violent one in the sense that natural death, I've heard, isn't always how movies depict it. This was the first time I'd ever been there for a last breath and for months after it, I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and had other unexplained health problems. This may seem an odd reaction, but as a child I accompanied my doctor parents to hospitals and witnessed sickness and dying at a very young age. Avoiding death, while trying to understand it, became a driving motivation for me. Perhaps it is, in part, why I went to seminary and eventually became a reporter. I sought distraction from my own mortality while also seeking to control it through knowledge. A losing combination. In the book he wrote about his wife's death, CS Lewis said, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid." That was my experience. And I had no choice but to sit through it. Then to confront it again and again throughout the rest of the year. But as I sat quietly, I realized something. I had believed that if I could unlock the secrets of death and finally come to peace with it- the ultimate question of existence that has eluded philosophers for centuries - I would finally come to know God. Instead, after last year, I now believe that I had gotten it backwards. Instead, it is coming to know God that brings one peace about death (and all other things for that matter). And thus begins a new journey, not of the head but of the heart. I'll end with another quote from a favorite Lewis book, the last lines of Til We Have Faces, “I ended my first book with the words 'no answer.' I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words. Long did I hate you, long did I fear you.” Blessings to all of you on your journey. Thank you for being a part of mine.
We put the green donut on two of our bucklings (Peter’s sons, Butter and Floppy) as I’ve yet to sell them and they’re getting to be breeding age. Don’t need them making babies with their sisters. I was actually surprised by how little the boys seemed to care, especially once they were no longer restrained.
OffGridish Living, just joined the grid.
Drones, AI and Robot Pickers: Meet the Fully Autonomous Farm
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/shopping/drones-ai-and-robot-pickers-meet-the-fully-autonomous-farm/ar-AA1IIjtW
Manchester, TN, if you know the area. Even if you don't, this happening across the southern and mid-western US. Sans the "mysterious death", in most cases...
After a Mayor’s Mysterious Death, a Land Dispute Divides Republicans in Tennessee
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/after-a-mayor-s-mysterious-death-a-land-dispute-divides-republicans-in-tennessee/ar-AA1IGbtK